hiester.com

Imagine a basketball league. Let’s give this hypothetical league a name. How about the Democratic Un-united Mudslinging Basketball Association, or DUMBASS for short. Now let’s consider two of the teams in this league. We’ll give our first hypothetical team the name “Clinton” and we’ll call our second team “Obama”.

So far so good. Imagine that DUMBASS scheduled these two teams to play each other in Michigan in April. Suppose that the owner of the arena in Michigan demanded that the two teams play in January, not April. When the demand is made, DUMBASS (the league to which both teams belong) makes it very clear that if the game in Michigan is played in January, the game will not count. So the Obama team thinks, “well if our league says that the game is not going to count, then why should we even show up? We could spend our time and energy getting ready for our other games.” Team Clinton, however, shows up at the game, puts five players on the court against zero players for Obama. Clinton wins the game 300-0.

What do you know, here we are in June and Team Clinton is just one victory short of qualifying for the championship. They’re in second place behind Obama. They don’t want to be in second place, so they appeal to DUMBASS to allow the Michigan game to count. So DUMBASS wimps out and decides to give each team half a victory in the Michigan game. The Clinton team realizes that half a victory won’t get them to the championship because they’re a whole game behind Obama in the standings.

What’s a team to do? Team Clinton then asks DUMBASS to come up with a new way to decide which team it will send to the championship. Instead of counting wins and losses, let’s add up all the points that both teams have scored during the season and whichever team scored more total points, regardless of wins and losses, will go to the championship. “Count every point!”, is their motto.

Even with their 300-point fake victory, they still don’t have enough points to win. I guess they’ll have to appeal to the DUMBASS “credentials committee.”

It’s hard to imagine a political party screwing things up worse than the Republicans have done for the last eight years, but I’m beginning to think the Democrats are up the challenge.