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I had a dream where David Copperfield shows up at the home of an average American family unannounced, kind of the like the Publisher’s Clearing House video crew. A woman, let’s call her Eunice, answers the door and invites the celebrity magician into her house. He pours ketchup onto her living room carpet, emptying an entire institutional-sized can. Her charm turns to horror when she sees a giant pool of ketchup soaking into her brand new expensive wool carpeting.

“Don’t worry,” says David Copperfield, “I’ll clean it up with my new carpet cleaner.”

David Copperfield then pulls some “magic tissues” out of his breast pocket, places them on the stain, does some fancy hand gestures and mutters some unintelligible phrases. The stain completely disappears in a few seconds.

Eunice: “That’s amazing.”
David Copperfield: “You can use it anytime you have stains on your carpets.”

Eunice: “Huh? How does it work? Do you sell the magic tissue?”

David Copperfield: “No, the tissue doesn’t really do anything. You just call and I show up and clean your carpets.”

Eunice: “That must be very expensive.”

David Copperfield: “I’m already extremely wealthy. I don’t really need much more money, so it’s a lot less than you might think.”

Eunice: “But what if you’re not available? There are millions of people who would call you. It would take forever for you to get to all of them.”

David Copperfield: “I’m a magician, I can pull that off pretty easily.”

I woke from my dream at this point. I imagine the show would end with a toll-free number and URL where you could subscribe to David Copperfield’s Carpet Cleaning Service.