- The diamond-studded robotic hands-free dental flosser! Water and shock resistant to 4000 meters! Swiss precision! Perfect for that special someone who works for a hedge fund and eats too many Doritos! Fly fishing attachment available only while supplies last!
- Breastmilk pump with GPS navigator! Digital harmonica and Bob Dylan-autographed neck mount included! Folds and stores in tasteful and environmentally friendly hemp-lined shedded-yak-fur carrying case! There is no better way to show your love!
- How can you express your deepest feelings for all that you have been through together? How about a hand-carved oak billiards table with built-in lighted storage bin for power tools? Pockets automatically send Twitter trash-talk messages to your entire social network when you make shots that involve two or more bumpers! Includes HD and Satellite radio receivers that connect with your home theater or 200GB tennis bracelet/MP3 player at a distance of up to 17 miles using Bluetooth Hyperbolic Technology! Heat-sensing safety billiards balls deploy tiny goose down-lined airbags before striking human flesh (or toppling warm drinks served in optional matching platinum and rosewood chai latte mugs)! Retina-scanning chalk protects you from sharks!
- It may look like just another 332-piece silverware set, but look again! Each tine in the salad fork houses a 28-megapixel digital camera with dual image and custard-stabilization. Voice-activated butter knife unleashes intelligent nanobots that will thrill your dinner guests. Dress them each in full SCUBA gear—before they know what hit them—in under three seconds! Project a holographic time-lapse reenactment of the Deep Blue vs. Garry Kasparov chess match onto a glistening turkey or aspic-covered ham!
- The portable stadium luxury box! Fully detachable crystal-walled unit hovers inches above the players’ heads thanks to its roof-mounted AV-8B Harrier II short-takeoff vertical landing (STOVL) rotorcraft transporter. Stealth force-field technology ensures that errant balls and pucks are diverted into the cheap seats. Putting greens, on-site concierge/bookmaker, twelve 108-inch rear-projection plasma flat-screens (including two in the marble-tiled lavatory), licensed hypno-pedicure counselor and live Renaissance music ensemble ensure that your clients are satisifed even if they are Prius-driving wine snobs! Pets welcome!
- The Anderson Cooper video humidor! Lift the lid to take out a perfectly preserved stogie and the 2160p DLP screen on the underside of the lid plays a personal greeting from the CNN host followed by one of 365 heart-wrenching journalistic tours-de-force that will make your smoke all the more meaningful. Order now and receive the Larry King commemorative gold coin and cuff link set absolutely free! And remember, if you are not fully satisfied, return the video humidor for a full refund, but please, keep the Larry King commemorative gold coin and cuff link set as our gift to you!
This entry was posted
on Friday, December 7th, 2007 at 3:45 am and is filed under creative, humor.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
