1. Fixing the BCS and instituting a playoff system
2. Clarifying what constitutes and illegal forward pass in NCAA football
3. The Economy
4. Adding 5 yards to the coaches boxes in college football
5. Iraq

Step right up! Step right up for some of P.T. Paulson’s magical elixir. It cures sluggish lending, bad debts, economic constipation, why it even pulls the tractor trailers right up to the back gate of the Treasury so we can clear it out by January 20th, 2009 when those other suckers get to take over this lousy job. Get ‘em while they’re hot boys! $10 billion here! $20 billion there! Banks, insurance companies, car companies, who cares?  You’re the CEO of Carpeteria? Well, all those folks who didn’t make their mortgage payments, but will still get to stay in their homes anyway–they are going to need new carpets sooner or later. We don’t want you to have an inventory crisis! Here’s $20 billion, how’ll that hold ya? It’s almost Christmas folks. Uncle Henry has got a little something for the stocking this year. How about $10 billion. That should let you take your gal out to a nice dinner and take in a movie, eh?

What’s this? Mayors looking to me for handouts?  So they can fix some bridges and roads and hospitals? Look, buddy, why don’t you go talk to a bank about taking out a loan for that type of thing. Can’t you just float a bond? Do you think I’m a miracle worker just because I have $700 billion to blow in less than two months and I can blow it any way I want?  My banker friends have to earn a living. How are they gonna keep their private jets flying when troublemakers like you want to butt in and take away their livelihood?

Here are three things I’ll remember about Chase Utley:

1. The amazing tag-the-runner and throw to first double play
2. The dazzling fake throw to first that made the runner on 3rd base think he could score, followed by the strike thrown home and the tag at the plate by Carlos Ruiz
3. Getting up on live television in the stadium ceremony and, without any delays or beeps, saying, “World Champions. World Fucking Champions!”

Chase hit a 35 bombs and dropped two televised F-bombs this season.

1. Do I have to park in the same parking space? What if I want to park in the same space (it’s my lucky Phillies space)?
2. Will my half-full plastic bottle of Bud Light still be in the cup holder in my seat? I wanted to finish it.
3. How can it be that I can’t buy a beer after the seventh inning but the players can pour Moet & Chandon over their heads when the game is over?
4.  Will the umpire say “Play Ball” (He’s only supposed to say it at the beginning of the game)?
5. Do the players have to get their uniforms dirty “before” the game?
6. Will the MLB cut the trophy into two pieces this year?
7. Did the umpire who said the game never reached the “comical” state actually watch the game?
8. When Bud Selig finally does celebrate Thanksgiving, will he eat his turkey and stuffing on Thursday, then have the cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie on Saturday?
9. If baseball gets really popular in China, will Fox start games at 8:30am to allow the largest number of users to watch in prime time?
10. Is there anyone who can make sense of MLB’s rules regarding suspended games?

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver were unbelievably biased in their commentary while the game was proceeding in the middle of an East Coast cold-weather monsoon. McCarver at one point said something like, “The pitcher has a dry ball and the batter has a wet bat” and went on about how the pitcher had a huge advantage. How does McCarver explain how the ball stays dry when the catcher has to throw it 60 feet back to the pitcher. Ruiz is accurate, but I don’t think he can throw balls that dodge raindrops in a dogs-and-cats downpour. After the game, Cole Hamels said he could not grip the ball and had no choice but to throw fastballs. McCarver then suggested that it would be impossible for B.J. Upton to steal second base with all the mud and puddles in the basepaths. One of them asked, “How do you slide into that?” About two seconds later, Upton stole second and executed a perfect slide. A few seconds after that, the “disadvantaged” Carlos Pena hit a single into left center with his wet bat (Impossible! How can a batter possibly get a hit with a wet bat? The batter is at such a huge disadvantage!) that scored Upton to tie the game. If those broadcasters had any objectivity and credibility, they would have been talking about how the game should have been stopped in the 4th inning at the latest (the truth is that the game should have never been started). Of course, the MLB has made them rich and fat and they’re not going to bite the hand that feeds them. McCarver of all people, as a former catcher (and a Phillies catcher at that) should know better.

Topic #2: Pitching

I suppose it’s decided. Both managers have already said that they’re going with their bullpens for the continuation of the game. Mitch Williams also said this morning on 610 WIP Sports Radio that the teams should treat this game exactly like a regular game that is in the 6th inning. I beg to differ. It cannot be just like any other game in the middle of the sixth. The players will be in clean uniforms. This is a new 3-inning game. The Phillies have the advantage because they get to bat first and last (this is probably why McCarver said that the entire game should be replayed–that’s a pro-Tampa position). If it were me, I would hand the ball to Brett Myers and ask for three good innings at home, in front of a frenzied, wild Philly crowd. He eats that stuff up. Three innings and you get the glory, Brett. Who is the first player you think of when you think of the 1980 Phillies? Tug McGraw, of course. That final pitch is always memorable. I think Brett would take that over the insult of not being able to start in a possible Game 6. It would be beautiful symmetry. Myers was the opening day pitcher. He had to go back to the minors for a stretch go get his head together. He did it. Why not let it come full circle and have the guy who threw the first pitch of the season prove that he’s all the way back by pitching for the final out in the clinching World Series game.

If it goes back to Tampa, I don’t want to pitch Myers there. He already lost once. He stinks on the road. By then Moyer is rested. Moyer starts game 6 if necessary and Hamels goes in game 7.

But like I said, it’s not happening. We’ll see Chad Durbin, Ryan Madsen and Brad Lidge. As I’ve said before, I don’t care how they do it, as long as the Phillies win, I’ll be happy.

Topic #3: John Bolaris is also a Weasel

During the initial delay of the original game 5, the local Fox affiliate cuts to FOX-29 Meteorology Guru John Bolaris and he hems and haws his way through a phony explanation that the rain came about a half hour later than everyone expected. Well, everyone except a real weather guru like Joe Bastardi of Accu-Weather who demanded at 6:30pm (two hours  before the game), “Cancel the game.” Bolaris says he was not approached by Fox or the MLB.   More proof that Bed Selig is as dumb as a bag of diamond dust. How can you not check with the local weather experts at the affiliate of the network that is broadcasting the game? MLB says it uses WeatherBug. I note that WeatherBug’s copyright statement says “2007.” I think their forecasts are also off by more than a year.