hiester.com

Just one day after reporting that Lance Armstrong had been chosen as the new “Yellow Wiggle” in the Australian kiddie-supergroup, hiester.com has learned that the Armstrong deal fell through and The Wiggles traded Greg to the Teletubbies for Laa-Laa, the Yellow Teletubby.
Armstrong reportedly failed a blood-sugar test–not enough blood sugar. Blue Wiggle Anthony Field was apparently furious to learn that Armstrong was not a sugar fiend. “Look, if you want to entertain hyperactive kids, you’ve got to prepare yourself. You have to get jacked up on the same stuff they’re on. Do you think I would do that stupid pointing business if I didn’t down four cotton candies and half a case of pop rocks before the show?,” Field exclaimed. “Mr. Big Shot Seven-Time Tour de France champion thought he could come in here and treat us like domestiques. We get about 90 minutes to win over three-year-olds with ADHD with singing, dancing, acting, acrobatics and riding in our big red car. This guy is used to three weeks on a bicycle cheered on by a bunch of beaujolais-swilling, foie gras stuffed vacationers.”

A senior Wiggles management official who asked to remain anonymous said a press conference announcing the trade would be held later today. “It was a perfect fit. Greg can continue to perform since it’s normal for the Teletubbies to fall down–even faint. He’ll be able to pace himself. For Laa-Laa, this is a great opportunity to advance his career and maybe even learn a few words.”