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The perplexing form fields keep coming thick and fast. Here’s a beauty.

How do I know myself? I think they need more choices:

Brothers and sisters I have none, but this man’s father is my father’s son

On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

I am my own grandpa

I happened to be listening to the Eagles game today on WYSP-FM, when the commentators announced one of those contests that you could only enter if you were listening to the broadcast (you had to enter the hint they gave out-it was the Herr’s Crunch Time play of the game). While I was on the contest page I decided to look at the other contests. I followed the link for the Hyundai Super Sunday Fiesta Football Frenzy contest. As one who designs web forms all day, I usually find all the flaws when I’m filling out web forms, such as form fields that don’t have a “tabindex” attribute, making it hard to tab from one field to the next (not to mention making the form inaccessible to people with disabilities). However, the registration form for Football Frenzy takes the cake. Here’s my favorite field:

Hey, I’m an open-minded person. I figure that there must be a reason for the N/A choice. Maybe their market research showed a high number of hermaphrodites in their target market? Earthworms might want to enter? If I win the trip to the Super Bowl, I’ll wear a dress.

I learned in recent issue of The New Yorker that Republican Presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney had a dispute with his son Tagg, who claims to be a Democrat.

I don’t care one lick about the Romneys’ political affiliations. All I could think was that this guy is named Mitt and he named his son Tagg?

I don’t know if the Romneys have other children and it would be no fun to actually look it up only to find the other kids have normal, non-baseball names, such as Jennifer and Steven. It’s much more fun to imagine what other names Mitt might have come up with. Here they are:

• Batt
• Gluvv
• Hitt
• Runn
• Dugg Outt
• Capp
• Redd Soxx
• Popp Upp
• Plato (he is a Republican after all)

That’s all for now. I’m going to get some Hott Doggs and Peanutts.

Having been swept out of the playoffs in the first round, the Phillies ride off into the sunset to ponder next year. Now everyone is asking the big off-season questions.

 Should they re-sign Charlie Manuel as manager? That’s a tough one. If Manuel were in the middle of a contract, I would certainly not fire him. He may have messed up a few double-switches, but he’s been doing something to motivate the players. With the loss of Freddy Garcia and John Lieber to injuries, Adam Eaton to Steve Blass disease and Brett Myers to the bull pen, the Phillies starting rotation was decimated this year. Plus they were without Howard, Utley and Victorino for stretches. Somehow, the Phillies kept winning enough to stay within striking range of the Mets. Although the Mets staged a 1964-style collapse, the Phillies had to win a lot of ball games to capitalize. Their two sweeps of the Mets late in the season were nothing short of phenomenal. They now own the Mets. Willie Randolph can start Cy Young, Walter Johnson and Nolan Ryan next year and the Phils will still beat them. You can thank Charlie Manuel (and Jimmy Rollins) for that. But the question remains: new contract for Uncle Charlie? I say no. But, I also say the worst thing they could do is hire Joe Torre (odds of Torre coming here are the same as the odds that Milton Bradley wins the Nobel Peace Prize) or Joe Girardi (and I promise I have absolutely nothing against Italian Americans name Joe). The Phillies have found chemistry in their clubhouse. Here are two perfectly qualified candidates for the Phillies skipper job: Davey Lopes and Milt Thompson. These guys have proved their effectiveness. Thompson’s hitting tutelage gave them the most potent offense in baseball. Lopes’ base-running genius translated to an 88.2% successful stolen base percentage–the highest in the history of baseball. You read that right. Highest. Ever. The Phillies fundamentals soared in the second half of the season. Promote one of these guys. They have already won the approval of the Phillies “Keyser Sose” ownership group.

And please give us a new 3rd base coach. I don’t care if it’s the Phillie Phanatic or a ball girl or Bill Campbell sitting there in a Barcalounger eating dollar dogs.

I’ll leave it to the other million armchair GMs to figure out how to fix the starting rotation and the bullpen, what to do with Myers (hint: he wants to be a closer–keep him there), Burrell(Pat, Adam Eaton doesn’t think the idea of swapping brains worked out very well and he’d like his back–what? You traded it to Rick Ankiel?) and Eaton. Certainly trade value for players like Werth, Dobbs and Iguchi have gone up (and before you jump all over me, I have no idea of their contract/free agency status and no time to look it up now). Two of those guys for Dontrelle Willis?

How about those Flyers?

One night last spring I arrived at Penn Station in New York City only to find that my Amtrak train to Philadelphia was, as was too often the case, delayed indefinitely. I began wandering slowly, trying to figure out how best to occupy myself. At 10:00pm in Penn Station, the shops have closed and drunks and con artists come out of the shadows. If I know the delay is going to be two hours, I can get out of there and get a coffee. If it’s half an hour, maybe I’ll sit in the Amtrak ticketed waiting area where overweight men prop their feet upon their luggage and snore as if they were sleeping in the Great Bed of Ware.

I decided to spend the first ten minutes or so just pacing the boarding area, waiting for an announcement. About three steps into my sojourn I look up and see Phil Martelli walking in my direction. For those of you who aren’t from Philly or aren’t basketball fans, Phil Martelli is the head coach of the St. Joseph’s University men’s basketball team. In 2003 his team won 27 straight games and was ranked #1 in the NCAA polls. When we passed I said, “Hi Coach.” He replied with a quintessential Philly, “How you doin’” and we both kept going our separate ways.

I didn’t think much of it until I found out that he just published a book and the title is Don’t Call Me Coach. Geez, coa–I mean, Mr. Martelli, I’m really sorry. For four years at Penn State, I would yell out, “Hi Coach” to Joe Paterno when I would see him standing in line at the Uni-mart to buy a gallon of milk; it never seemed to bother him.

I haven’t read it yet, but I’m looking forward to it. Martelli is a great coach mentor basketball ambassador person. I just hope the book gets a new cover when the paperback comes out. What is the deal with photo of Phil and the St. Joe’s Hawk standing at the blackboard? Phil, I have Chip Kidd‘s number if you want to spruce up the jacket.

In 2004, two Princeton scientists, Stephen Pacala and Robert Socolow, published a paper in the journal Science titled “Stabilization Wedges: Solving the Climate Problem for the Next 50 Years with Current Technologies“. The genius of the study is that it breaks down the problem of reducing carbon emissions into manageable parts. They visualize the problem and solution as a right triangle. The hypotenuse represents the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The bottom leg of the triangle represents no growth. The scientists divide the inside of the triangle into a series of “wedges” and they recommend measures that can be taken to flatten out each wedge. So, for instance, one wedge is “Efficient Cars” and the effort to flatten out the “car” wedge is “to increase fuel economy for 2 billion cars from 30 to 60 mpg”. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

Still, I worry. Flattening out the wedge, as Bill McKibben points out in this month’s National Geographic, requires Americans to make some significant lifestyle changes. The auto industry hasn’t even reduced fuel economy one mpg in the last 25 years. Unless it gets too expensive, Americans will keep driving alone to work in their SUVs (with increasing chunks of time spent idling in traffic jams). While the wedges seem more “manageable” than looking at reducing carbon emissions as a single overwhelming and impossible task, I don’t see how Americans can “manage” to flatten out even one of the wedges. It’s getting late. We’re in Act III of the drama of climate change. It’s time for the deus ex machina.

Who will intervene to save us from ourselves? I’m thinking of a super hero. Mercifully, there IS a super hero who specializes in wedges. His name is Captain Underpants. He’s the only super hero with WEDGIE POWER. It will be his stiffest challenge yet. He has already vanquished the Talking Toilets, the Bionic Booger Boy, and the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies from Outer Space. He is our only chance. CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS, WHERE ARE YOU?

Who I think deserves to be the National League MVP and who I want to be the NL MVP? : Jimmy Rollins. Rollins carried the whole team (even Charlie Manuel with that big beer gut) on his shoulders into the playoffs.

Who is going to be selected as the NL MVP? Matt Holliday. With his team down 8-7 in the bottom of the 13th inning in the one-game play-in vs. the San Diego Padres, Holliday stepped up to the plate. I thought to myself that one at-bat would determine whether the MVP goes to Rollins or Holliday. Had Holliday popped-up or struck out and had his team failed to get the winning run home, Rollins would be a shoo-in. All Holliday did was smash a triple to right field to score the runner and tie the game. The next batter hit a sac fly and Holliday himself scored the winning run. He wins the National League batting title and the RBI title. Now his team is in the playoffs. He’ll get to go head-to-head with Rollins when the Rockies play the Phillies in the first round.

It’s not that voters can’t find reasons to give the title to Rollins (that list is as long as your arm), but that the voters can’t find reasons NOT to give it to Holliday. Holliday has the gaudy numbers. He won two legs of the triple crown.  And he had the clutch hit that put his team into the playoffs.

Three weeks ago, I posted about what it would take for the Phillies to make the playoffs. I’m a believer now. The Phillies really did give me goosebumps yesterday when they beat the Nationals and won the National League East championship.

Jimmy Rollins is the classiest professional athlete we’ve had in Philly since Dr. J.

I can’t resist pointing out that once again the Phillies outscored the Eagles on the same day (Phillies 6, Eagles 3). I suppose the Eagles will follow the Phils lead and go on to win the Super Bowl (despite my “prediction” to the contrary).

I’m even going to permanently withhold all the jokes I’ve stockpiled about Cole Hamels’ chiropractor. Well, all except the one where he hires Iguchi’s translator to give him Shiatsu massage.

That is all.

Philadelphia Phillies Franchise Fitted Baseball Cap

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