hiester.com

In yet another bold maneuver for expanding state control over Russia’s natural resources, the Kremlin announced today that it is taking ownership of Russia’s female tennis players. The list includes, Maria Sharapova, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Anna Chakvetadze, Nadia Petrova, Dinara Safina,Vera Zvonareva, Olga Poutchkova, Maria Kirilenko, Elena Vesnina, Elena Vesnina, Yaroslava Shvedova, Anastassia Rodionova, Vassilissa Bardina and Bud Collins.

Following the disqualification of every other racer in the 2007 Tour de France, American Paul Ruebens cruised to victory on his 1946 Schwinn.

A twist on the old Irish joke:

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.”

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,”Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin’ victim to temptation as well.”

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, “What a terrible pity…one of the girls must be dying.

Vitter Returns to the Senate

In other news, the Labor Department reports that the Washington DC escort service sector has declined by 50% in the last month.

TOM RIDGE: Mike, you look terrible! What’s the matter?

MICHAEL CHERTOFF: It’s my gut, I haven’t slept in days. It glows orange at night.

RIDGE: Ask your doctor about Feartactix (Desperatazole Hyperfalsium), it always worked great for me.

CHERTOFF: Feartactix, huh? Is it covered by my health plan?

RIDGE: Health plan, schmealth plan. I’m on the board of directors, I’ll get it for you for free!

CHERTOFF: HAHAHAHA! I fell better already!

RIDGE: HAHAHAHA!

Private contractors outnumber U.S. troops in Iraq

Update (8/24/2007): Jeff Shields of the Philadelphia Inquirer wrote a piece and confirmed that the German for “brown water” would indeed be “Braunwasser” and that Brunwasser translates to “spring water.”

I stand corrected and offer my apologies to the commish. Sorry, Bernie!

Original Post:

The Philadelphia Water Commissioner is named Bernard Brunwasser. Brunwasser translated from German means “brown water“, “spring water.”

This has to be the best name in Philadelphia government since we had Alfred Outlaw as our Revenue Commissioner.